Exhausted

Busy day today. Family get together this morning at the baptism of my niece and nephew. Big lunch afterwards and then tea at the in laws. Overall was a nice day. Difficult to in some ways. Had a few people mention Noah and how sad they are for me. Which meant a lot they said something. Some people say nothing which can be worse. Depending on the day. Losing Noah is a huge part of my life. He is still my son. I don't want him to be ignored just because its painful and I miss him. I still love him and thinking of him still brings a warmth to my heart. Also held a few babies today. First time since Noah died. One of them is the same age that one of my babies would have been had I not miscarried. Thats always difficult. Seeing other peoples children the same age and just wondering what life would have been like if that baby had survived.

Its hard cos I miss my miscarried babies as much as Noah. Its just I have a name for Noah and I got to hold him. Doesn't mean I don't miss my other babies. As well as the photos for Noah that I got made, I also had ones done for my two miscarried babies.

(Thanks again to Carly for doing these photos for me)

Its hard knowing we have 3 children in heaven. But good knowing they are happy and safe and can miss out the pain of this world. But its hard for a mother to lose her children. Its not the way it should happen. And it doesn't matter how early you lost them. Its still a child you love dearly.

After Noah was born a family member gave us a 'Willow Tree' statue. It was a boy holding a heart. I've been given a few of those Willow Tree statues over the years and when I received my new one I put it up on top of the tv with all the others. I was surprised with what I saw. It was 6 people represented and it just looked like my family. Nigel and myself with baby Charlotte, Noah standing and watching over us and our two little angel babies next to him. Our beautiful family of 6.
I love how God puts together things like that for us. Little things to bless us. In ways we could never have imagined but are so special. Awesome.