Missing Noah

I've been feeling ill for a day now. Caught a bug or ate something dodgy yesterday. Even though I've had the day to rest while my wonderful husband stayed home to look after me and Charlotte, I've felt very stressed. Probably just built up stress from everything with Noah and everything thats to come.

Missing him so much tonight. So many friends pregnant at the moment. So many due when I would have been. I had a lot of friends have babies when I had Charlotte. Most of them are now pregnant. Feels hard to be the one who has tried and failed so many times to have another baby. I know I'm not alone in this but still is difficult.

I still appreciate my Charlotte, who constantly brings me joy. I love the way she loves me.

This photo was taken the day of Noah's funeral. But I love it.

I got another photo to remember Noah by today. The same wonderful woman who did the sunset photo for Noah and my miscarried babies, did a personalised butterfly for me too. One of the photos she took for me is below. The hearts next to Noah's name represent my two miscarried babies. I miss them so much too.

So beautiful and so special.

I wonder if anyone reads my blogs. Suppose it doesn't matter if they don't. Somewhere for me to talk about how I feel. I know it can get tiring listening to me drone on about missing my babies. Depressing I guess.

But I can't help it. At least I know God isn't sick of listening to me. And he knows how I feel too. I'm thankful for his compassion and mercy towards me. And his strength to continue walking this long road.