Blessed.

Its been a while since I posted. I had a gastro virus for 2 weeks and just at the tail end of that virus I got the flu. Have had that for over a week now. Not feeling any better either, getting worse in fact. I'm rather over being unwell. Hoping my body will get better soon.

We found out Noah's results yesterday. We've got a diagnosis for what was wrong with him. We've found out that its not likely to be a genetic cause which means its not likely to happen again. What happened to our sweet boy Noah was 1 in 10,000 babies. The doctor said to me ''You may ask 'why me' but when the statistic is 1 in 10,000 babies, why not you? If not you, it would have happened to someone else. It was going to happen, it just happened to be you. You've been struck by lightening''. I thought he approached that in a good way. I haven't found myself too often thinking 'why me'. I do admit to getting jealous of my friends having healthy pregnancies when I haven't been able to the last 3 times. But I understand that everyone has something to struggle with in life. This is just a trial I have to cope with in mine at this point in my life. The thing that makes me sad.. is that my sweet Noah fell into a small percentage of babies that just don't happen to have all their organs form properly. Amazing when you look at how complex the body is, and how much has to go right, its a wonder any of us are here at all.

On the way to the hospital, it was very 'rainbow' type weather. Cloudy, random showers of rain, with sunshine breaking up the clouds in places. Reminded me a lot of the day before Noah was born. When we saw that beautiful rainbow right in front of our window. That looked like it was placed there, just for us. I believe it was.
I felt disappointed I didn't see any rainbows on the way to the appointment. I thought that it would have been a great way for God to comfort me (gotta love how I tell him how best to make me feel better. When He knows whats best... I tell him anyway..). Got to the hospital, went to the appointment and got our news which was better than we thought it would be.
The reason I've called today's blog 'blessed' is because the news we got could have been so much worse. It could have been a genetic cause that meant any future babies could have the same problem. Or we could have not received any answers at all, which so many people I know have. All they got was a 'we don't know'.
I feel blessed. I not only got to hold my son, carry my son and love my son. I was able to find out information that can help with some closure and still gives me hope for the future. Hope. Another word that is so special to me.
When we left the hospital we thought we better stop at the pharmacy there and buy some teething gel, since my daughters molars are yet to come through. While I was waiting for Nigel to get the teething gel I looked over at the hospitals gift shop. This is what it is called:

 So I did get my rainbow in the end... just not the way I expected. I love it when God does that.

Blessed.